The dream I had last month (read below) really proved to be profound to me. God used that dream to speak to me, and I wanted some time to pass before I wrote about my response or any interpretations of the dream. It's been over a month and the dream is still clear as day, in my mind.
First of all, let me say that God uses many mediums to speak to us, and this dream is one venue He chose to use to reach me. Someone may have read the dream and thought ''what's the big deal?''' But that's how God works, He is a personal God. This was a very intimate dream because it touched at MY own heart's desires. It's applicable to me, whereas it may seem simple or meaningless to someone else. What made the dream so special is that God personalized it so much.
The beginning of the dream I was married to a white man. Whaaaaaat? I had to laugh. For seven years or so, I've had a "thing" for ethnic guys. If you'd ask my friends about me bringing up a new crush I had, no part of them would ever guess it'd be a white guy I was talking about. I was still attracted to white guys, but usually dated non-white guys because I liked that ethnic flavor, the culture.
Naturally because I went for ethnic guys & dated them, I began to develop an entitlement belief that I would end up marrying a non-white guy someday, thus having mixed children. I always wanted mixed kids because I thought the differences in genetics made for really beautiful children with unique features. I thought plain vanilla-white babies all looked a like--boring! Whenever I closed my eyes and thought about my future kids, I only ever pictured them being of mixed race. This became an issue with me, not even wanting to consider dating a white guy based on my deeply rooted desire to have mixed children.
When my relationship ended with a guy of a difference race, I felt like ''oh great, now I have to go on to marry some white guy and have plain-looking kids." LOL. It sounds silly, but I was totally serious, and it was very heart wrenching coming to that realization. For so many years I'd pictured my future kids as one way, and knowing they wouldn't be that way, was a harsh reality.
Actually, going back even before this dream, I felt in my heart that God was going to give me something new and different when it comes to my mate. I'd looked at all my past relationships with non-white guys, remember all the hurts I'd experienced. And I actually started picturing something new for my future. I wondered, 'maybe since I thought I had to have my mixed kids--maybe God will surprise me and bring me a white man who will never hurt me in the ways I've been hurt. Maybe God wants me to have something totally fresh and new?' That was in the back of my head before my dream, but God hadn't really spoken to me about it, beyond that impression.
In the dream, I had this beautiful baby daughter, who was 100% white. She was super fair skinned, fair eyes, fair hair. But she wasn't plain. She wasn't bland looking. She didn't look just like "every other white baby" I'd seen. She was stunning, precious, and I saw my own features in her. If she would have had darker skin or eyes or hair, she wouldn't have been the same. She couldn't have been more perfect if she were different. I truly believe in my heart that God showed her to me as a Promise. If I truly let go of the past, the past ethnic guys, my own belief...if I just hold on to the promise, He will give me a daughter so precious, like in my dream.
I'm going to be bold and say, in my heart, I so seriously believe God gave me this dream to deliver me from my belief that I "had to have" mixed children! So along with that deliverance, I believe God also freed me from the past connections with guys who obviously couldn't be the father of this baby in the dream. So not only did this dream deliver me, but it's released me to stop looking in the past at what I had, but released me to look towards the future to the new and exciting blessing God has for me! I have nothing against other races, but I feel in my spirit now that I will end up marrying a white guy. It's not something I ever thought about, so it feels new and unusual and...interesting! That's how I feel God leading me, but who knows, I could end up being with someone who's not white? Who really knows...but I just think it's probably going to be a white guy. Haha. I feel embarrassed even making that statement...like it's so foreign for me to say it!
My friend, Aaron reminded me of Isaiah 43:18-19: "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing." That makes me shiver, it's so powerful! He also wrote me a 5 page interpretation of the dream & how it aligns with Bible prophecy through scriptures. I was surprised that my dream had so much Biblical truth in terms of the world ending, times of tribulation, etc.
This dream has provided daily help and strength to my spirit. If my flesh is tempted to think about any certain non-white ex boyfriends, I know it's not worth it, and I shouldn't go there! God has shown me the hope of this promise, this beautiful daughter of faith that I will have one day, so I don't need to mess around with anything in the past anymore. Amen!
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