Being Chased by the Spirit of Perversion

As Christians, have you ever noticed when you are trying to pursue a deeper Walk with the Lord, there is that opposition, trying to knock you out?  When we ask God for help with something, He usually doesn't give us exactly what we asked for, but rather the opportunity to walk it out.  For example, if I'm asking God to purify myself, He probably won't magically clear out all the unclean cupboards in my life--but rather, He'll put me in situations where I can actively choose the right and true option.

I want to share a story that really stirred me up and forced me to question the way I conduct myself.  May I preface this with saying that generally, I consider myself fairly conservative.  I'm full of flaws, but I certainly don't live a life of a party girl or one of promiscuity.  Every now and then I'd maybe wear a shirt that was a little sexy, but being a bigger girl--I've never had a desire to be flashy and show a lot of skin.

Several weeks ago, in the evening I went to run a few errands around town by myself.  I left the house with no make-up on, wearing my glasses, and a casual summer dress.  The length of the dress fell below my knees & I had on flip flops.  It was a v-neck dress, so I had on a tank-top underneath to conceal the goods.  The dress was not sexy or tight or alluring at all.  I didn't think twice about leaving the house looking how I did.

First I went to the gas station to pump gas.  As I was standing there pumping gas, a car with a male driver drove by and turned at the stoplight.  His eyes were GLUED on me, and watched me as he slowly drove by--instead of watching the road!    It was an older car, not in good condition, a dark colored vehicle.  It creeped me out, but I didn't think much of it.  I saw he pulled into the McDonald's drive-up as I was leaving to return my DVD at the grocery store nearby.

I drove to the grocery store to return my redbox DVD, but the screen said it was full and could not receive any returns.  So the closest place was the McDonald's where the kiosk was inside.  As my car pulled into the parking lot, I saw that same car exiting the drive-through lane.  His car was pointing to exit the parking lot all together, but then he recognized my vehicle as the one he'd been watching at the gas station moments before, so his car paused to see what I was going to do.  I parked, and went inside to return the movie.  I prayed he'd be gone when I was ready to leave because it was getting dark out, and this guy's behavior was suspicious.

I go out the door and I immediately see this guy has parked his car right by the exit door, so I have to walk right beside his vehicle to get to mine in the parking lot.  His window was rolled down, and I quickly walked past his vehicle and got into mine.  I locked the doors and looked at his license plate, which I texted the license plate number to my sister in case I got abducted.

I went to leave the parking lot and it looked like he was going to follow me.  I didn't want to drive home and have him follow me, knowing where I lived.  So instead, I went the opposite way, following a road out of town.  He eventually turned off and I it was a sigh of relief!  I'd been praying the whole time and felt really threatened.

I got on the highway to drive to a nearby town to do some shopping.  I felt somewhat freaked out after what happened, but I prayed while I drove and figured the rest of the evening would be uneventful.  I drove into the JC Penney's parking lot, about thirty minutes before the store would close.  Immediately as I pulled into the lot, I noticed a cluster of three of four cars, full of guys, parked closely so they could talk.  This group of guys noticed me and I felt a bunch of eyes upon my back as I went to walk inside the store.  I prayed to God they would be gone by the time I left the store.

I was in the store about twenty minutes, but when I went to walk to my car, the guys in the cars we're talking loudly and when they saw me walking to my car, they all got quiet and stared at me!  It was such a horrible, gross feeling as I stood there, innocent and minding my own business and these guys were lusting after me!  I wanted to get a drink at the gas station across the street, but was afraid they'd follow me over there.  But I'd rather be thirsty and safe, then sorry!

I hadn't eaten supper either so I wanted to stop and get a sandwich at Subway, but my spirit told me not to stop there!  I decided to head back towards home, but first I stopped at a store to grab a snack.  There were a couple guys in the parking that gave me weird looks again.  I grabbed some snacks and went to the checkout line, where there was a guy checking out.  As soon as I stood behind him in line, a man got behind me in line, standing very very close to me.  I was uncomfortable, so stepped closer to the guy in front.  This guy behind me said to me, "So, how you doing tonight?" in one of the deepest, scariest voices.  I looked away and said "Just fine."  The cashier even seem surprised he tried to initiate conversation with me.  I paid and quickly got out of there.

I felt so disgusting and disturbed in my spirit!  As I drove home, God revealed to me that the spirit of lust and perversion was trying to chase me!  It started when I was pumping gas, then incident after incident.  I felt dirty, like I wanted to go home and take a shower to wash the scum off me!  Those guys were looking at me with such lust in their hearts, and that grieves the Father's heart!

So often I think we are unaware of what's going on around us, or how we can easily impact or influence others.  Here I was, dressed totally appropriate and got unwanted attention from unclean spirits, and that's not cool with me.  It made me question the way I choose to dress, and what messages are sent about me as a person, just by my outer appearance.

I rebuke the spirit of perversion and the spirit of lust trying to chase or consume me, in the name of Jesus!  Just because I am choosing a life of purity doesn't mean the enemy can mess with me!  Satan is under my feet, and you know what?  I am stronger in my spirit than those evil spirits that try to attach to me.  Why?  Because the Holy Spirit dwells within me, and within all of us who believe!  Stay strong, knowing you too, can walk in purity and cast away anything unclean that tries to reach you.

Interpretation & Response to My Sweet Prophetic Dream

The dream I had last month (read below) really proved to be profound to me.  God used that dream to speak to me, and I wanted some time to pass before I wrote about my response or any interpretations of the dream.  It's been over a month and the dream is still clear as day, in my mind.

First of all, let me say that God uses many mediums to speak to us, and this dream is one venue He chose to use to reach me.  Someone may have read the dream and thought ''what's the big deal?'''  But that's how God works, He is a personal God.  This was a very intimate dream because it touched at MY own heart's desires.  It's applicable to me, whereas it may seem simple or meaningless to someone else.  What made the dream so special is that God personalized it so much.

The beginning of the dream I was married to a white man.  Whaaaaaat?  I had to laugh.  For seven years or so, I've had a "thing" for ethnic guys.  If you'd ask my friends about me bringing up a new crush I had, no part of them would ever guess it'd be a white guy I was talking about.  I was still attracted to white guys, but usually dated non-white guys because I liked that ethnic flavor, the culture.

Naturally because I went for ethnic guys & dated them, I began to develop an entitlement belief that I would end up marrying a non-white guy someday, thus having mixed children.  I always wanted mixed kids because I thought the differences in genetics made for really beautiful children with unique features.  I thought plain vanilla-white babies all looked a like--boring!  Whenever I closed my eyes and thought about my future kids, I only ever pictured them being of mixed race.  This became an issue with me, not even wanting to consider dating a white guy based on my deeply rooted desire to have mixed children.

When my relationship ended with a guy of a difference race, I felt like ''oh great, now I have to go on to marry some white guy and have plain-looking kids."  LOL.  It sounds silly, but I was totally serious, and it was very heart wrenching coming to that realization.  For so many years I'd pictured my future kids as one way, and knowing they wouldn't be that way, was a harsh reality.

Actually, going back even before this dream, I felt in my heart that God was going to give me something new and different when it comes to my mate.  I'd looked at all my past relationships with non-white guys, remember all the hurts I'd experienced.  And I actually started picturing something new for my future.  I wondered, 'maybe since I thought I had to have my mixed kids--maybe God will surprise me and bring me a white man who will never hurt me in the ways I've been hurt.  Maybe God wants me to have something totally fresh and new?'  That was in the back of my head before my dream, but God hadn't really spoken to me about it, beyond that impression.

In the dream, I had this beautiful baby daughter, who was 100% white.  She was super fair skinned, fair eyes, fair hair.  But she wasn't plain.  She wasn't bland looking.  She didn't look just like "every other white baby" I'd seen.  She was stunning, precious, and I saw my own features in her.  If she would have had darker skin or eyes or hair, she wouldn't have been the same.  She couldn't have been more perfect if she were different.  I truly believe in my heart that God showed her to me as a Promise.  If I truly let go of the past, the past ethnic guys, my own belief...if I just hold on to the promise, He will give me a daughter so precious, like in my dream.

I'm going to be bold and say, in my heart, I so seriously believe God gave me this dream to deliver me from my belief that I "had to have" mixed children!  So along with that deliverance, I believe God also freed me from the past connections with guys who obviously couldn't be the father of this baby in the dream.  So not only did this dream deliver me, but it's released me to stop looking in the past at what I had, but released me to look towards the future to the new and exciting blessing God has for me!  I have nothing against other races, but I feel in my spirit now that I will end up marrying a white guy.  It's not something I ever thought about, so it feels new and unusual and...interesting!  That's how I feel God leading me, but who knows, I could end up being with someone who's not white?  Who really knows...but I just think it's probably going to be a white guy.  Haha.  I feel embarrassed even making that statement...like it's so foreign for me to say it! 

My friend, Aaron reminded me of Isaiah 43:18-19:  "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I will do a new thing."  That makes me shiver, it's so powerful!  He also wrote me a 5 page interpretation of the dream & how it aligns with Bible prophecy through scriptures.  I was surprised that my dream had so much Biblical truth in terms of the world ending, times of tribulation, etc.

This dream has provided daily help and strength to my spirit.  If my flesh is tempted to think about any certain non-white ex boyfriends, I know it's not worth it, and I shouldn't go there!  God has shown me the hope of this promise, this beautiful daughter of faith that I will have one day, so I don't need to mess around with anything in the past anymore.  Amen!

My Sweet Prophetic Dream

Last night I had a dream that gave me a resounding feeling that it was not to be forgotten, but to be remembered and analyzed. My hope is that as I write it out, clarity with come forth.


I actually had a lot of dreams and what I remember, I'm not sure if it's all one big dream or a few that when I combine make sense? The first dream, or the start of my dream, I was married to a white guy, who reminded me a lot of musician, Kris Allen. Our marriage had been rocky and I got the impression, we were contemplating divorce. My husband and I went out to dinner with a man who claimed to be a Christian, but then he tried to kill me. My husband instinctively hurried to save my life, and he did. That action on his part broke through our issues and restored our marriage.

(This next part I'm not sure if it's a continuum of the dream (which makes sense for it to be), or if it's a new dream.) Basically the world was ending and there was chaos everywhere. For some reason, NO ONE believed it to be the second-coming of Christ. In this time of turmoil, people drew into themselves, denying God. It was every man for himself, selfishly doing whatever it took to survive. My family tried to leave town, but the roads were blocked off. No one took time to pray or call upon the Lord's name. We were like animals, without conscience.

God was beyond grieved at everyone operating out of the flesh and conducting our lives as if He didn't exist anymore. Jesus was not going to rapture his people unless they asked for forgiveness before the world ended. I had the distinct feeling He included all people, even children!

One day I was sitting on a park bench with my mother and my beautiful, baby daughter. She was the most beautiful baby I've ever, ever seen in my whole life. She was white! She had such fair skin with flushed cheeks, and the most delicate, feminine features: big, blue eyes with lonnnnnng eyelashes, the sweetest shaped mouth. She was probably between one and two years old, she still seemed 'babyish' and not totally in the toddler stage yet. She was so healthy looking and very chubby. She had the blondest, wispy hair. She seemed very intelligent and bright for her age; she talked quite a bit.
My mom, my daughter, and myself sat on the park bench, knowing the end was near; yet feeling comfort we were in it together. The world wasn't ending suddenly all at once, it was simply halting as it went, kind of like a storm hitting a specific area at once, then moving onward. Off in the distance, we could see life dissipating. We saw dark, demonic forces collecting all the souls who hadn't repented, who hadn't asked God for forgiveness in the last breath of their life. Conditions had been so bad, that many people had long forgotten God and His goodness!

Then my mother begin talking about reincarnation (which I don't believe in as a Christian). She said maybe we'd get a second chance and get to come back as birds. Two little birds were near us on a tree branch, and she thought it could be us. But could it?

Then a man approached us; it appeared he used to be an evangelist before the world began crumbling. It was now so clear to me that the fate of the world was being dangled before our very eyes: the fate of humanity was up to my baby daughter! I got the impression that she remembered life before this all began. She remembered the Holy Spirit, prayers, worship--was still a part of her. The man asked my baby if she wanted to accept Christ in her heart, if she wanted to repent for all the sins. She wanted to, she smiled at the thought of doing it! She spoke it, even with her limited vocabulary.

When the man went to write her name in a physical Book of Life, he hesitated! Even though he appeared to be one of the few who still believed, his own faith was questioning the authenticity of a baby giving her life to God when she couldn't possibly fully understand all it entailed. He again asked her, questioning her if she truly meant it, and she replied with such a sassy remark! It was a few-word remark that was so sassy and the man knew she meant what she meant! My mom and I laughed at how silly and sassy, my baby was.

(This next part, I'm not sure if it's the ending to my dream or a separate dream, but I like I said above, it makes sense as a link in this dream.) Time had passed and the earth was thriving again. My daughter having accepting Christ into her little heart moved the heart of God! God had searched and found the willingness of a child, and it impacted everything. God decided to give us all more time to come to Him, sooo mercifully, instead of eternally condemning us like we deserved. There would be more time, so everyone could come back to God.

With my daughter and family, we were at a get-together. I was soon to be leaving and walked outside while holding onto this precious girl. It was evening and there were people outside as well. They were looking at my daughter and I, just studying us. What did they see? Did they know it was her that God used that day? Still holding her, I looked down and just marveled at how beautiful she was. For some reason my husband (that Kris Allen look-alike from the beginning?) wasn't with me, and I wondered if the people were judging me because of that fact.

I remember thinking how full my heart felt with joy, and how far removed I was from my past with Marc! I looked down into my arms at my daughter, knowing so clearly she was not Marc's daughter. I thought: life not only goes on, but it's better than you can ever imagine! I felt so distant from Marc and my past, and so content and blessed with my present and my daughter! It was such an overwhelmingly good feeling.

A Movie Date with the Holy Spirit (Highly Recommended!)

Last night I watched the movie "Hachi: A Dog's Story" with Richard Gere. The plot is that a man finds an abandoned dog at the train station, takes him in, and develops such a bond with the dog, Hachi. Hachi waits for his owner every evening at the train station, at 5pm on the dot. Even when the man dies, Hachi waits at the train station every day for the next decade, until his own death--just waiting for his owner to come home. Now, I am a dog lover, but the Holy Spirit impressed on me a much deeper revelation than a man/dog bond.

Watching the movie, the Holy Spirit began ministering to me and I began weeping. It touched my heart to see in the movie the dog waiting for his master to arrive, even though he had died and wouldn't come back. The Holy Spirit spoke to me, "Sara, that's how much I love you. That's how loyal I am to you. I will never leave you, never forsake you, never abandon you. I love you so much and I am just eagerly waiting for you to come to me."

I began to weep thinking about the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. We cannot fully comprehend the depths of His great love for us. He's closer than a brother, His love is more intimate than lovers, and He is more faithful than a mother. I just felt His presence so strong on me, wanting me to soak in that loyalty. That loyalty that I've never experienced on Earth, that unconditional love, so precious.
Then I thought how God is just waiting for His children to come to Him. Those who've never known Him, those who have backsliden, He desires each one of us. Then I thought how it must grieve the Lord to know His children are out there, and many turn away from Him. He's just waiting patiently to be with us, He'll always desire us to meet with Him. So often in the day-to-day hassles, we forget to devote time to the most important relationship, our Savior. What a sad day, going without acknowledging His presence. But even if we fail Him, He's still there, He's still waiting. He still desires all His children to come running to Him, saying "Daddy, I love you, I need you. You're so good. You're so holy! I bless Your name."
Father God, thank you for laying this beautiful revelation on me during the movie. I fail you all the time, but You are so faithful and loyal Lord. Thank you for waiting for me, and never leaving my side. Let me meet with you more, Lord so that our relationship can develop deeper and closer. Lord, let me never take for granted your mercies and your faithfulness. I am forever changed by Your great love. Thank you for loving me. I ask You would be ever near to your children, draw them back home Lord. In your name, Amen.
You can come to the Lord at any time, day or night. He's like a diner that's open 24/7, He's always there, waiting for you, open to you & wanting to fill you up with the fruits of the Spirit. Tell Him right now how much you appreciate His faithfulness.  GLORY TO GOD!

High-Five Prayers

Today my mom and I decided to pray for a bit while three of my nephews played in the same room.  We were praying a specific prayer of healing for a certain somebody.  I was sitting on the couch, with my eyes closed, and my hands outstretched to God.  My nephews had been pretty wild while we were praying.  All of a sudden, I felt 3 year old Bailey give me a big high five!!!!  Oh my word, it was so funny.  I felt like that's God's sense of humor, in letting us know He hears our prayers and is granting His blessing.  It also reminded me that we all need to come to God as children, God longs to just play with us.  I just laughed that Bailey high-fived my hand during prayer.

Freedom Is My Song!

I had the opportunity to go to IHOP on Friday, March 12, 2010 for the weekend. No, I am not talking about pancakes here. I'm talking about experiencing God in Kansas City, Missouri at the International House of Prayer (IHOP). For those of you not familiar with IHOP, it's a place dedicated to pursuing a relationship, rather than a religion, with your Creator. IHOP's Prayer Room has been seeking God literally 24/7 since it began in 1999. My friend, Julia, from Wisconsin invited me to go to IHOP with a group of girls. I knew God wanted me there, and I also knew even if I didn't want to go--I needed to go.

I'd been burdened for so long, weary in my spirit, and my heart, so broken. I'd been feeling a stirring for some time, and I knew there were certain things in my life I no longer could hold onto. If I didn't surrender everything to the Almighty, I'd never be free, or happy. My depression, my pain, memories--everything was rooted so deep, that I needed God to radically touch me. I had a huge need for the trip, and expected God to do a great work in me.
When we arrived at the Awakening service Friday night, I easily entered into worship. The presence of God was so strong and I felt Him touch me. I kept pressing on during worship, and preparing myself. I prayed, surrendering everything to God. There is no hiding in God's presence. It's silly to think I could keep even one thing from Him.
Probably the biggest wound in me was from my seven year on again/off again relationship with Marc. I could never let go and wholly get over him. The abuse, the spoken words, the memories--tortured me. I also carried hurt from other romantic relationships in my past. Another big pain for me was connected to my parents, specifically my father, and also my parent's marriage. I could go on and on about how deep the pain was, but the fact is-God desired to heal me of this all.
During worship, I just kept worshipping and talking to God. Giving it all to Him, surrendering all my junk at His feet. No part of me desired to hang onto ANY part of the past anymore, not even to an ex-boyfriend.
People began approaching me and praying for me while the Spirit was ministering to me. Every person who prayed for me Friday night, just had a divine connection to God. They began prophesying and the Holy Spirit began busting me open. My wounds were so deep. I hated myself. I thought I was ugly inside and out. I felt unlovable. I felt stupid. I felt like I actually deserved to suffer. I felt like all the wrongs from my past were my fault. There was so much pain, shame, guilt, sin. I knew in my heart God loved me, but my own pain kept me from being able to believe and actually receive that love.
Every person who prayed & prophesied over me, the theme was God's love. God loves me. ME! He thinks I am beautiful. He is proud of me. He even takes PLEASURE in me. ME! Someone was praying & God said "You are NOT too much!" My whole life people, friends, boyfriends, relatives-- have always said that I'm too much, whether it be my personality, my laugh, my weight, my dreams. The devil had me believing that lie that I was too much. Because I believed that lie, I always tried to tone down my laugh or my personality, thinking that no one could really handle who I am. But now I am being rocked to the core because MY GOD is saying I am NOT too much! He made me who I am! He likes who I am!
People began praying for God to heal my heart's hurts: the abuse, the heartbreak, the curses, the abandonment, the words spoken to me, the self-hatred, the rejection, the lies of the devil, the war waged over my life, my low self-esteem, depression, the memories. I was so broken and just wept and wept as God washed my spirit.
At one point a young guy who had been exuberantly worshipping up front earlier, came over to me and brought me tissues. I was crying so hard I had mascara all over my cheeks, down my neck and my nose was running. I was hard to breathe at times. This guy brought me tissues, put his hand on my shoulder and began to intercede on my behalf. That simple gesture broke me because in my whole life, I've never had a guy treat me with such gentle, sweet tenderness. He noticed I was crying. He brought me tissues. He prayed for me. That literally was the nicest thing any man has ever, ever done for me, and a stranger, none the less! I felt God moving as he prayed. He kept saying how God created me to be a beautiful princess and that's what I am.
Each person who prayed for me, I felt God going deeper, deeper to the root of all the pain. This was full on deliverance, and God was getting it all out of my system. It was so painful, yet beautiful at the same time. A husband and wife came to pray for me. They prayed against the enemy's attack on my life, and broke of the lies and curses that stopped me from feeling God's love. They also said God's given me a creativity and I need to pursue writing more.
I was weeping so hard and the wife wanted me to look at her, I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. I must have looked like such a mess with mascara all down my cheeks, my eyes red from crying. She looked me in the eye and kept telling me how beautiful I was physically. I could hardly believe it! She kept telling me over and over how lovely and beautiful I was. She said I reminded her of her own daughter, and that she would be proud to call me hers.  That anyone would be proud to have me! There was such a authenticity in what she said to me. Then she said, "The Lord is saying to you: Things CAN change, and WILL change."

Each prayer that was raised up, tore a chunk out of my internal pain. The digging and de-rooting God was doing was SO intense. I cried for so long. In the time people were praying for me and while I was crying, God had me relive & revisit so many of the past hurts. This deliverance was so beautiful. I spent a lot of time allowing the Holy Spirit to deal with all the junk I'd been holding on to. Finally, I felt the tears stop and I just felt like a white, blank slate and knew later in the evening, and through the weekend God was going to fill me up with His awesome spirit!
After the intense deliverance earlier in the night, I realize that because I chose to give God a sacrifice, I chose to surrender everything, He totally healed me, delivered me from bondage! The worship team began to play the song "Joyful, Joyful" & I entered into worship, purely amazed at the great work God had done in me! The part in the song goes "I've got the joy" & I just felt God's presense all around me and I fully felt the Master's JOY! I felt true joy, based on the Father's love. I'm not talking about the sense of joy when you kiss a boyfriend or the happiness of eating a big piece of chocolate cake. I'm talking REAL JOY of the Spirit!!!! As I danced and worshipped, I felt the joy pulse through all of me, all of those empty places begin to fill, fill, fill up!! Every time I jumped up and down, I felt all those strongholds coming down, down, down--I felt satan under MY feet!
I've never know that pure joy from the Father. There was such an intensity and urgency in the drinking of this joy that I felt overwhelmed (in a good way) by the Lord. The bondage was broken from my life and I was able to enter into worship with a heart of gladness, dance in a joy I've never know, and interact with God in such an undignified, beautiful way. My grave clothes were gone, and now I was getting so drunk on this new wine! Thank you Jesus!!!! How awesome it is to spend time in God's presense.
At the end of the night as I continued to worship the Father, I had more people pray for me and deposit such truths into my spirit! Someone was praying saying "You often feel like you're missing the target, but the Lord is saying that it's about the journey." They went on to say that I am chosen, that I didn't choose Him, but that God chose me! That's hard to believe, but it's true!
Someone was praying saying that God takes such joy in me, and is so proud of me and the decisions I've chose recently for my life to pursue purity, to abandon all things from my past. One to two weeks before I went to IHOP, I knew God wanted me to expel some people and sins in my life. In obedience and to show Him how serious I was, I collected the objects of my past life and wrapped it in three seperate garbage bags. On the bags, I wrote "Freedom", "Loosed", and "In the name of Jesus". I threw them in the garbage and made a declaration to God to seek Him and let go of things and people in my life that were distracting and hindering my Walk. At IHOP when this person was praying for me, I knew this was EXACTLY what was being talked about. I cried and cried realizing how I made this sacrifice for God & for eternity, and it blew me away. Years ago, even months ago, I wasn't strong enough to make this big of a sacrifice for God. So, knowing God brought me to a place of total surrender, then knowing how much it pleased Him, and how proud He was of me, set my heart ablaze!!!! Glory to God!

Another healing I believe God did and I claim, is a physical one. For many years I have had a very irregular menstrual cycle. In twelve months time, I may only have four cycles. This subject matter has given me stress and worry, because I have a great desire to be a mother someday. The enemy has definitely messed with my mind over this, taunting me that I will have reproductive problems someday. So during the Awakening services, I began asking God to heal my body, whatever the cause, and to regulate my sporadic cycle. I presence of God was so strong, that I had such great faith God would heal me! When I came back from Kansas City, all of a sudden my cycle began! So, I am thanking God, believing, claiming & declaring that my body is HEALED from this irregularity! Satan can not feed me those lies or worry my mind anymore. Agree with me in prayer that God has washed me clean and healed me in His name!!


The rest of the weekend, I walked in such a joy, knowing how much God accepts and loves me. He continued to fill me up, and hasn't stopped. Something God gave me insight to is that in the past, in worship, I really only ever lifted my hands in praise, with my arms bent, at elbow length. After God delivered me Friday night, I felt the freedom to raise my hands, stretching my arms above my shoulders, up to the Heavens! I've done that in the privacy of my own home, but never felt the freedom to do so in public. God revealed to me that He broke off my prison chains and bondage that held back from fully worshipping because the burden was so great. Now the chains are broken off, and I can fully extend my arms in jubilation! Praise God!!!
God told me, "There is a love. It's open, and just for you. Come and experience all I have in store for you. There is no condemnation in this perfect love!" I felt so enwrapped in God's love with that message He had for me! I've never know that love and that acceptance! Wow!! There are no limits on God, there are no restrictions on God. He can move however He desires to. It can be through holy laughter, it can be through music, it can be through quiet prayer. I'm going to live with eyes wide open in wonder of my Master, not putting rules or regulations on how He chooses to move. He rocked me to my core in a pretty wild way, but I needed that radical touch from Him!
Last April, God had begun a work in me where I got a glimpse at this freedom and this deliverance. I relapsed and took the sin back, and all the hurt that accompanied it. I think the Lord allowed that to happen and I praise Him for that. For at this point, none of me wants anything or anyone from my past. Last year, I wanted to move forward, but there was a part of me that wanted to hold on. That piece that wanted to hold on, indeed did, which led me to this point. So, now when God went digging through the pain, I believe He took it ALL. I wanted it all gone, and it is, AMEN!
God really has done this great miracle in my life, and I am totally amazed! For so long, I was cursed, bound, holding onto sin & past hurts, unable to move forward. All of my being wanted God to heal me, and He indeed set me free!
Never in a million years could my brain conceive a life without Marc. The heartbreak was so deep that I felt like it was an affliction that I would have to endure and actively grieve for my whole life. I always gave into the temptation and began talking to him again, restarting the toxic cycle. This poisonous addiction is BROKEN in the name of Jesus and is in my past! Satan can't torture me any longer.
I really feel like I'm walking in a newness in the Lord that I've never known. I am free to LIVE, I no longer need to hide in shame. The Maker of the Heavens and the Earth loves and desires me. I was so desperate for God to change me, to heal me, and praise the Lord, I let everything go! The sin, shame, guilt, abuse, curses, memories, broken promises, shattered dreams, disappointments, dysfunctional relationships, soul ties, insecurities, bondage, self-hatred, impurities, depression--everything, I surrendered to God. Jesus already paid the price for me, calls me forgiven, calls me blessed! I actively choose to be free, happy, whole, and thriving! Never again will I return to my past, for I am a new being in Christ. I refuse to go deep sea diving again; I will not get mixed up in my past life. I am set free, delivered, I am different. I cannot go back to that prison, that darkness. I am delivered by the hand of the Lord!!!

Dear God, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for giving me LIFE and thank you for healing me and delivering me from the pain, the past, the hurts, the abusive relationships--everything. I feel NEW! You are such a great great God. Right now, I claim JOY for my life. The past is the past and it will not torment me any further! AMEN! Satan has NO hold over my life! I am blessed beyond the curse!

Preface

I'm so glad you decided to read my blog, you are very wise! :)  This is just going to be an quick introductory blog.  Basically, my blog is going to be about what's going on in my mind, what God is currently doing in my life, as well as lots of other fun/random things.  As much as I love music, I'm sure I will be talking about it, possibly posting playlists as well.  I will also be talking about health & wellness, in addition to recipes that are probably not healthy!  I'm sure I will be telling cute stories about my puppy, and I will also be sharing photos!  While this is my main blog, I'm going to be starting a photo blog, as well as a jewelry blog.  Look for that later.  I look forward to all the subscribers, readers, comments to come!!!